Equivocality
by mjoelk
Summary: "It's been one month since we've seen each other, Ludwig. I'm still surprised that you didn't forget me after all this time. I hope you feel the same as well." Sequel to "Obscurity", where it all began...On Hiatus, currently re-writing the story from Chapter 2 onwards.
1. A Fated Reunion

_Guys, I don't even know anymore. I wasn't expecting myself to write a sequel at all, not kidding. To be real honest, I have a mixed feeling while writing this; some parts I didn't like, others were obviously angry when I wrote certain parts. And I've no comment on the beginning, in which Ludwig somewhat recalls what happened in "Obscurity", which was the first part of the entire story, until he wakes up. Anyway, for the semi-formal summary:_

_One month after fate crossed each other's paths that night, Ludwig and Feliciano were finally reunited. But because of the confession Feliciano had written the day after they first met still remained in Ludwig's memory, how did they feel towards one another? Would Ludwig end up rejecting Feliciano or accept him? _

_As for title, "Equivocality" has the same synonym as "Obscurity", but the definition means "raising doubts about one's honesty or sincerity". Basically it means you don't really trust someone at all, after what they did to you. Which is the entire theme of this story and will change as it progress onward. Sure, I did write that Ludwig was eager to meet Feliciano in "Obscurity", but not in a good way. Because before that, he reads Feliciano's confession, just hours after they met and nearly spend a "romantic" time together, and he seriously wasn't happy about it. Let's just say what they did that night was beyond intolerable, at least in his POV. And after reading that letter, he imagined seeing him again, only to throw him down on a bed, tear each other's clothes, and continue on where he stopped (which is basically take away his innocence and be his)._

_But now that they'll meet again, what happens now? Well, things will get really complicated (so this story will probably be a multi-chapter from now on.). But don't worry, in the end, Ludwig and Feliciano will get…you know, the you-know-what. And hell no, they won't get married, that's too cliché for a guy like me._

_As always, review if you enjoyed it. Reviews motivate me hundredfold to write more. Or just PM me if you want to talk, whatever, I don't care._

* * *

_A lure...the catch...a curiosity...sudden intimacy...growing desire...overwhelming passion...one last move...and then..._

"Hey!" A voice called out.

He felt something on his shoulders as he was being hoisted up and carefully seated upright. His breathing was shallow yet normal. But his body was already breaking out in a cold sweat. Opening his eyes, he saw his older brother sitting beside him; his face was written with anxiety.

"Are you alright, Lud?" Gilbert asked. "I knew from the start something was wrong."

Ludwig looked up. "We're still on our way there?" He asked, panting. "But I've been asleep since we left."

"That's not the answer I'm expecting." Then Gilbert paused and nodded. "But yes, we're still on our way to the Edelsteins. You should know why."

"He's hosting another soirée, isn't he?"

"Yes," Gilbert replied. He grinned, hoping to cheer him up. "This time, he had given me a word that there are more women than last time. I told him about your fear of certain women, so I gave him a suggestion..."

As Gilbert chattered on about these recommendations, Ludwig looked outside and quietly pondered the night's events.

One month had passed since Herr Edelstein had provided another night of dancing, drinking wine, and meeting the society's people. It was an old custom that both the Edelsteins and the Beilschmidts had for nearly two decades; either it was for celebrating a certain day or merely keeping in touch with the society, it was never known. Despite their rivalry, doing such gatherings can be considered as a "compromise" between the two families. From the late hours of night into the early morning was the humbled manor filled with endless chatter and laughter and music of the recognizable Viennese waltzes. There was not a single of moment of silence throughout the night, drowning it instead with rumours of marriages, muffled confessions, drunken laughter, and the like.

* * *

As for Ludwig Beilschmidt, however, this was not the case. After recently turning twenty-five, he had changed somewhat. Besides his childhood fear of being around women (which was a hurdle he can never overcome), let alone dance with ladies around his age, he had other worries to think about; in fact, his thoughts swirled around about a certain person whom he had been contemplating about since.

A young man called Feliciano.

For over a month, this young man occupied everything. His thoughts, dreams, and even desires centred on him. Ever since he had confessed his true identity, after nearly spending a night with him privately, this was the only thing that kept him busy. It was nearly impossible to escape this distraction, and Ludwig knew it.

_I fell in love with a young man..._he thought.

_A young man who I first took for a woman..._

_How could he do this to me? Why would he do something as such?_

_And that night...we even touched each other's lips in obvious inexperience, but I took that beyond innocent. _

_I almost dared to hurt him._

In anger, he quietly clenched his fists.

_Damn it!_ His thoughts yelled.

_Damn him!_

_If he lured me the last time, then this time I'll lure him. _

As if he would succeed in this rather simple plan, which seemed unlikely to happen, he smiled to himself.

* * *

As they entered the familiar entrance hall, Gilbert ran off toward the dining area, where his usual friends were laughing away and even more by the time he arrived at the table. However, Ludwig silently followed behind and without taking a glance around him, he slithered behind the red curtains.

But once inside, someone was already there.

He stopped in his steps, a small handful of red velvet in his hands, while his azure eyes examined the figure. But he shouldn't be surprised; the red dress, the black gloves, the green-brown eyes, the piled-up auburn hair, the rosy lips that gave a pout...

_It was he..._

Feliciano.

"I guess you are here," Ludwig finally spoke for the first time, slowly making his way toward the young man.

Like before, the young man summoned him forward before turning around and leading him across the room.

Close by, Ludwig was catching up. He knew this was exactly how they met; hiding behind the curtains and following what he first thought was a young woman. Everything he saw that night was crystal clear to him.

_He looked lost and confused, until he found her hiding in the curtains and gesturing him to come towards her. She took herself as bait, so she could lure out from the crowd that passed him by._

Once outside the dining hall, and into the hallway where the guest rooms are located, the young man hurried down to the fourth room, opened the door, and slipped inside before taking a quick glance at Ludwig, who wasn't far behind.

Recalling the room where the young man had entered into, he ran towards the door. His heart racing, he stepped inside into dark, moonlit room.

* * *

"You still remember me?"

Turning to face him for the second time, the young man smiled.

Ludwig stood in his spot, as he watched him standing into the moonlight outside.

_It was unchanged as before_, he realized. He was also standing in his spot, watching as the light shine down at the young man.

"How could I not forget the night we first met?" He asked. Then for the first time, he added, "Feliciano."

At the mention of the name, those green-brown eyes widened in surprise. He quickly looked down in embarrassment, hiding his blushing cheeks from sight.

"I would have asked the same to you, Ludwig," Feliciano replied, quickly adding the name and not looking at him.

Neither spoke nor moved for a long time.

"I need to ask you something," Ludwig said, finally breaking the silence as he stepped forward. "And I want you to answer honestly, with no lies or bluffs. I will know if you are..." Then after a couple of steps forth, he was standing directly in front of Feliciano.

As he stood in his spot, his heartbeat sped up than before. He clasped his fists and tried restrain himself from being too impulsive at what he was about to do next. The first time he stood this close to him, he made his move by slowly leaning down to kiss the young man (or rather a woman, at first); it became fervent once he knew what he wanted from him.

However, despite the young man's nervous state, Feliciano remained composed. Even under the red dress he was wearing, he couldn't help feeling distressed as well, when he looked up at those stern blue eyes. Once their eyes met, he felt his heart skip a beat more than once and breathing shortened with anxiety. He knew something was about to happen and he was afraid to know what it is.

"What is it, then?" He wondered, trying to sound as confident as possible, with some success.

Then without warning, he felt a hand lightly tracing his jaw line before lifting his chin up. It was a gentle touch despite the slight roughness from those fingertips, but Feliciano didn't object.

"Why didn't you tell me you were a young man in that dress?" Ludwig asked, his voice unsteady yet soft. He looked down at Feliciano as their eyes met. "Why did you confess me who you were, after what we did that night? Why did you trick me...?"

Rather than waiting for Ludwig to lean in for a kiss, Feliciano felt a wrench on his heart. He had no idea how offended he sounded as he listened to the distraught voice, in which these demands were asked. He noticed him struggling to contain his anger, wondering if he had been holding it in since. Instead of happiness at their reunion, guilt and hatred filled inside him. He recalled that evening too perfectly...

_The night in which Fate crossed their paths for the first time and led them to this moment._

The night, in which he, Feliciano, quickly recognized the familiar figure that stood at the entrance hall. Sensing how out of place he was, he ensnared him out from the crowd and into the quiet room, where they are at that moment. He retained the startled reaction from Ludwig after replying to him in fluent German (although he wasn't one), the uneasy silences between them, Ludwig's inexperience of being at a gathering in someone else's household, and finally the intimate moment they spent together.

Instead of answering right away, Feliciano looked away from him and closed his eyes, stopping himself from weeping in front of him. He didn't want to see him furious for his insincerity, but he couldn't stand telling him the truth without challenging his beliefs, whatever they may be. Even he himself didn't want to say the reality in which Feliciano had faced in the past; he couldn't portray how he took a habit of dressing up as a young woman and manage to hide under the disguise without telling the truth about Ludwig as well. Merely blaming his curiosity to attend, disguised into the opposite gender would be deemed unacceptable for Ludwig; he feared he would tell everyone his real identity, which would lead to another difficulty.

_If Ludwig decides to reveal me to those outside and his brother sees an anomaly, only to realise it had to do with the first time his brother came here, then he would know his younger brother had tried sleeping with me..._

_And he, Ludwig, would be lying to him as well..._

Taking a deep breath, he spoke up.

* * *

"It's too difficult for you to comprehend," he sighed. He took Ludwig's hand and lowered it, gently squeezing it. His voice shook with fear, hoping Ludwig would understand. However at the same time, he felt sceptical about it as well.

As he spoke, the young man released his hand and walked a couple of steps back, quietly turning his back at him.

Feliciano only prayed he was taking in each word and accept it. "If I have to justify everything, you'd only understand less than half of it," he continued. "You would think the rest are mere chances, but they are all true. This isn't for my sake, but yours, too, Ludwig; if you tell everyone outside who I am right now, your brother might discover something from that night as well. If he knows he ended up finding you here that morning, he'll know you were hiding our relationship from him. You and I will be in trouble by then."

Silence hung once more.

Without a word, Ludwig turned around and suddenly began approaching Feliciano. His eyes shone with fury as he drew towards him.

_How would _you_ feel, then?_ His thoughts screamed at Feliciano. _If the person you loved turns out to be a fraud, how do you think I would feel? Betrayed, angry, repulsed, and dreadful...to the point of feeling like I don't deserve to live anymore._

_And us having a relationship, after I tried sleeping with you? Don't make me laugh..._

He noticed Feliciano quickly backing away and towards the bed behind him; he had never seen him this alarmed before, for it was nothing matched to the one he saw that night...before he was about "deflower her". The young man not only had fear in his eyes, it was similar to how a child would look like if he was terrified.

_He really _is_ like a child..._he thought.

But he didn't show any sympathy towards him. It wouldn't matter anymore...the damage Feliciano had imparted upon him was sufficient.

He watched Feliciano clambering on the bed and tried to look back. On instinct, he grabbed each of his wrists with one hand and pinned them down at either side of his head, forcing Feliciano lie on his back. He heard him gasp as climbed above him. Slowly spreading his legs apart, Ludwig slithered his leg up against the skirt; up to the young man's slender, nearly feminine waist, revealing those slender legs. From underneath, he heard the young man sighing nervously. This didn't bother him; he felt impulsive and thought of those uneasy sighs as pleading for forgiveness.

For him, his craving to have Feliciano grew.

* * *

Upon realising this, Feliciano's expression increased with an alarming rate. His body quivered a little, but his eyes were now filled with tears, creating a very blurry sight around him; and his breathing reduced into silent short breaths, softly groaning. It wasn't because Ludwig was leaning down on him, but because he was so terrified he could no longer control his sanity and himself.

Under the young man's control, he was very defenceless. He couldn't move nor escape Ludwig's firm grasp around his wrists, leaving him confined. And since he was already fragile, his body finally gave up before the young man above him.

He was the powerless victim, waiting to be devoured.

And Ludwig was the marauder, prepared for the kill.

"W-what are...you...g-going to do...to m-me?" Feliciano wondered, struggling to speak as he gasped the words. "T-tell me...because I'm s-sc-scared...You were d-different th-than before..."

Above him, Ludwig didn't say a word. He merely looked down at the young man underneath him; he saw those eyes brimmed with tears, his lips half open and letting out slight gasps of breath between the words he spoke. Just a meagre sight of them made him want to caress them further, wanting to taste the trace of wine inside until he felt satisfied. He wanted to feel the softness of those lips tracing on his. Unlike the first time he kissed the young man, in which he was inexperienced, this time he wouldn't be as gentle; he wanted it forceful, filled with wicked desires that had haunted him for over a month, aside from his anger. Leaning down on him, he closed his eyes, plunging in to devour his prey with wolfish hunger. However, just as he could graze his lips on his, he stopped.

He suddenly wondered if someone from the young man's past decided to let him wear a dress rather than a small suit. Accidentally mistaking his childish figure as that of a young girl, whoever took care of him lent him dresses to wear. They didn't give him affection as he grew up, but he was ridiculed. He doesn't know it, until he was finally grown up.

_If that is the reason, then...?_

Feliciano might have been in love with someone, while under his girlish disguise. Someone who saw him as a girl at first, but saw the truth...and eventually left him behind, unaware that he will never return.

_If that is so,_ he thought, _then he had spent those times pondering...and finally decided to move on._

_Until he found me._

_He only wanted someone to be with._

"I-I..." Ludwig tried to search for an answer, but couldn't find any. True, he would have taken his clothes off right then and there, as well as his, and deflower him nonetheless. But he remembered Feliciano's concern about Gilbert.

_If he finds me sleeping with a woman this time, I'll be damned for the rest of my life. I would degrade the good name I was born in, because I slept with a mistress who turned out to be a man._

* * *

"I don't know" was all he could ever say.

Then he released his grip on Feliciano's wrists and slid off from him.

"I don't want to see you here for the rest of the night," he sighed, though it was barely. As he spoke, Feliciano slid quietly off the bed and stood nearby. His back was turned against the young man, and didn't risk looking back at him either. "Actually, I don't ever want to see you again. You lied to me this whole time; you left me wondering this past month why I still kissed you. Why I tried undressing you and nearly took away your innocence. Only to find out you weren't who I thought you were..." He trailed off.

"I'm sorry," Feliciano responded. He didn't dare advance to Ludwig and remained where he was. "But I truly can't say why. My past is complicated enough to put them in words. Even _I_ hated it for that reason!"

Out of anger, Ludwig strode at him and grabbed his shoulders.

"You have _no idea_ what it feels like to have a fear of women," he hissed. "It's a curse I can't escape. Spending a soirée every night with them, talking about whom they want to marry someday and admitting love about a certain man they just met. It doesn't just make me uncomfortable; it _disturbs_ me. But _you_ made this worse..."

"_Me?_" Feliciano blurted out in surprise. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. _It was as if it was his responsibility..._

"And we never made a relationship after that night. Don't _even_ consider this our reunion either."

"But I didn't do it." Feliciano couldn't take this allegation anymore. "_You_ were the one who kissed me. Why would you-?"

But Ludwig cut him off. "Get out of my sight," he muttered, releasing him. "Leave."

"I didn't-" Feliciano tried to respond. But Ludwig no longer took this anymore.

"_Get out!_" Ludwig snarled.

* * *

Without a word, Feliciano quickly ran out of the room. His eyes were streaming with tears as he quietly sobbed. His heart now broken, he wondered if there's a way to fix this. However, he doubted this; he knew Ludwig would reject him for being who he was, this was exactly the very thought he was afraid of. _If I couldn't even accept myself _he thought, _what's the point anymore? I shouldn't live after all; I don't deserve this. Even _he _found it immoral. But what can I do about it? Nothing. _

_You're not the only one who has a fear they can't escape, Ludwig. I have a similar fate as yours…_

_A friend of mine confessed their love towards me, unaware that I was a boy under a maid's clothing. But, for reasons I have yet to discover, they left me behind. I didn't know that they had abandoned me, never to come back._

_I was alone. _

_Until I saw you…_

Hiding behind the curtains, he ran past the dining area and into the entrance hall. He didn't care if anyone noticed him running away.

All he wanted right now is to leave.

_But now, my heart is broken in a way I couldn't put into words. _

_And it really hurts..._

* * *

Meanwhile, too upset to ponder what happened just moments ago, Ludwig quietly decided to sleep in for night. He only prayed that Gilbert would find him sleeping in the same room as before.

_Forget about Feliciano for now_ he thought to himself. _What that bastard did to you did more damage than you first thought about it. If he ever decides to see you again and he still hasn't answered your question, end his life. I'm certain no one would be concerned if a man wearing a dress is found lifeless, right?_

* * *

_Okay, so I guess Ludwig is an ass, huh? He must calm his tits for a change, right? I mean, he asked Feliciano nicely, but he just went really…I don't know, beast-like on the young man. Dude, he pinned Feliciano down out of anger. I seriously can't imagine this happening in real life…I can't go on writing about that part without going beyond my limit. Then he accuses him for everything, finally telling him to never see him again (which does happen one more time throughout the story) and yelling just so he means it._

_As for Feliciano, I feel sorry for the guy. Now from "Idiosyncrasies" (which was a different story), I've hinted that his former master, Roderich, took him in as a girl when he was little. His only friend, Elizaveta, didn't mind leaving him into this habit of wearing girl's clothes (this was the person I was referring towards the end as well, she'll be formally introduced by next chapter – one week after this). But the only person he knew the most was Lud (in the series, this was Holy Rome). The little guy pretty much fell for him since they met…as much as Feliciano wanted to tell him the truth, it was too late; he already left him. So now all grown-up, he hopes to find him…, which leads him meeting Ludwig for the first time in years._

_Now Ludwig doesn't know all this. In fact, he doesn't find out everything until later on. Because he's currently in denial right now, and he wanted to figure certain things out by himself, as in why did he even meet Feliciano in the first place?_

_Jeez, I'm really exhausted right now. I think I'll edit this at some point. I know some parts might seem weird; it's been months since I've written something. If it seems rushed, that's why._

_Unless I get reviews or something, I'll definitely keep going. I probably have more time now to balance school and writing, my motivation is the only problem._

_EDIT: You guys might've noticed that I've deleted the later two chapters, those that featured Elizaveta and Feliciano. Well, I've decided that as much as I wanted to add Elizaveta in the story, I might stray too far and focus on her instead. I have to admit she would've been my female counterpart, if I were a girl rather than a guy...But anyway, yeah, the point of my story is to show how this young man, who lacked "certain" experiences, ended up falling for another when the society he lived in forbids such an act and struggle to either accept everything or deny. At least that's how I originally wanted it the whole thing to be._

_So yeah, if you guys are following this story, as in checking it closely if I do something on it, I'm really sorry about that. Being a perfectionist, I want my story to be something that I enjoy and maybe you guys would enjoy, too. So if no one reviews or fave or alert, it would mean that my story is not even worth a read to anyone._


	2. Inner Demons

_Well, I didn't expect to get some reviews just after I uploaded the first chapter. I know it's not a lot (at least imo), but I hope I get more as I progress on with the story. I guess you guys really want to know what became of the ill-fated lovers, huh? Oh, did I say "ill-fated"? I meant "a-really-complicated-relationship-between-a-stern-but-impulsive-young-German-and-a-young-yet-usually-childish-Italian-who-cross-dresses-which-sets-off-a-really-difficult-chain-of-events-after-their-so-called-reunion" relationship. _

_What happened so far? Well, Ludwig just became well, how should I put this in German...? Ein dummer Esel, I think. Seriously, he's just screwed up right now. He just dumped Feliciano and it's not even a month that they talked to one another. _

_Now, I'm not in a relationship right now (because school first, lulz), but I can tell that it is one of the worst ways to ever experience in your life. You meet someone, fall in love, say hi to each other, be apart for a month without giving each other's address to write letters (texting didn't exist back then too), and finally reunite...only to get rejected? That's just messed up. And then you add the fact that the person you fell for isn't who you thought to be? Now that really sucks._

_So what happens now? Let's go one week forward because nothing happens between the next day and the days that followed and see..._

_And I was going to introduce who Feli's friend was in this chapter, but I decided to hold that off for chapter three instead._

_As usual, reviews mean motivation to write more. If I don't get enough, the slower pace it'll take me to write and update._

_EDIT: If you guys didn't notice that little edit note at the very end of my author note, from the previous chapter, I'll say it again here. So apparently, because of how much the bad the story went after chapter two (so it's this chapter), I've decided to delete them. It's not that I don't like them completely; it's just that I might end up shifting my character focus from Ludwig to Elisabeta. And since I started my fanfic writing using Ludwig and Feliciano, I want to stick to just both of them for the remainder of the story. _

_But then again, I am already on the process of writing another story, this time set during the Great War. I'll spoil you guys already with three characters: Ludwig, Feliciano and Lovino. As for the story, well...I can't tell you yet._

* * *

_One week later..._

"Ludwig, you've been in your room for nearly the entire week. Are you sure you're well? I'm getting a little worried about you..."

Gilbert walked inside his brother's room, carrying a tray containing their morning breakfast, a homemade soup with vegetables and sliced sausages. Setting the tray close to the edge of the bed, he walked over to the windows and threw the curtains wide open, letting in the morning sunlight inside.

"I'm fine, Gil," Ludwig answered, pulling the tray of food on his lap. He was already awake when he heard Gilbert knocking outside his room; although he had slept decently the night before, the yawn he had just let out seemed otherwise. "Why are you so worried about me?"

"Well, I just thought you were sick or something," Gilbert wondered, shrugging. He sat down at the edge of the bed. "It's been a week since we left for Vienna, too. Maybe you caught a cold after we left the city."

"No, it's not that. I've been a little under the weather lately, but..."

He trailed off and looked outside the windows, which viewed the distant and snowy landscape as well as the faint sight of the Alps farther south.

_It's been days since we met_ he thought quietly.

_I wonder how he is doing now._

It was true. Ever since Feliciano had left him, Ludwig wondered where he is at the moment. The young man didn't leave any address of some sort, so communication between them was impossible.

_But then again, why should I be concerned about him? He left you because he was being a coward to you. You demanded him to tell the truth and his response: he couldn't tell anyone._

_Even you._

He looked down at his breakfast and pondered even more.

_If his past was just as difficult as how I felt that night a week ago, what made him keep it as a secret?_

_Was he afraid to tell me everything? Is that the reason why? _

_If that's why, then I made him leave for the wrong reason, after all._

He closed his eyes and felt himself go back in time to a week before.

* * *

His vision focused on Feliciano, when he pinned him down under his might. He saw the young man quietly weeping in front of him; at first he tried to be defiant, but eventually failed. His hands wrapped around his wrists, holding him down tightly so he wouldn't move even for a millimetre. He saw his lips trying to move so he could speak, but all he could hear were small gasps. He did recall him asking something, telling him he was scared, but that time he wasn't listening; his head was not sober that night, he was filled with nothing but ire towards him.

He didn't hear himself respond to Feliciano, but he closed his eyes. Slowly lowering himself, he tried to halt. But when things stopped before him, he threw his eyes open and looked around.

_Did I try kissing him without him knowing it?_ He thought. _Was that I that night, inside that vision?_

_Feliciano, I'm so sorry..._

* * *

"Glad you're awake again, Lud." He heard Gilbert beside him, shaking his shoulders as he woke his brother up, who suddenly fell asleep over a tray of breakfast. "You just fell asleep over your food."

Ludwig looked up. "I didn't even know," he replied. Then, taking the spoon beside the bowl, he began to eat.

"This is really getting out of control," Gilbert sighed. "I mean, one week inside this house while I go out and talk to people, it's a little cumbersome."

"I just don't want to attend those soirées anymore, Gil. My fear of women isn't really helping me ask one for a dance."

"I thought Edelstein fulfilled my suggestions about certain types of women whom you might find compatible, but I suppose this fear grew."

"Can we change the subject, if that's okay with you?" Sounding a little cross to him, Ludwig had finished his breakfast and pushed the tray aside. He certainly doesn't want to go further about this. It wasn't his business to know what became of the Italian. "I need to ask you something."

"Ah, fine, but if you have to make some changes, go talk to Roderich, alright? Or refer to him as Herr Edelstein." Gilbert grinned as he leaned towards him. Then he backed away and returned to his usual composure. "Alright, I'm all ears."

Ludwig took a deep breath. He had wanted to ask him about this, since he knew some of the women from that night, at least from what he knew. Seeing him running off to a group of people who are as old as his brother, yet act as if they're ten years younger under the influence of alcohol. "Have you ever fallen for a woman before?" He asked.

At this, Gilbert frowned a little. For someone like Ludwig to ask such a question, this is a serious, yet unusual, topic to bring up. He had fallen for a woman when he was young, but he didn't want to tell Ludwig about this and chose to forget it. Noticing that this concerns his younger brother, he tried to sound confident.

"Why didn't you ask this before?" He asked. "I thought you couldn't talk to women." Then his eyes widened. "Or does this concern a certain damsel you've met?"

"Well, a young woman saw me in an awkward position and isolated me from everyone," Ludwig explained, which was true. Feliciano did pull him out from the crowd, who were passing him by. But the next sentence he spoke, it was a white lie. "She talked to me and tried to get to know me better."

"Where are you going with this, Lud?" Gilbert asked, a little confused and annoyed. "So a woman approached you, not the other way around?"

"Yes."

"And you want me to help you?"

Ludwig nodded.

"Ah, how should I start this?" Gilbert began, scratching his head. He pondered for a minute and quietly sighed. "Well...My only advice is that you just follow the topic she wants to bring up. Don't bring any hard subjects, like politics or anything related to it. It's the only topic nobody wants to talk about. You could start by complimenting her, telling her that you like the dress she is wearing that night. Or maybe you could be witty, though this comes with many risks." Then he paused. "Wait, is she from around here?" He narrowed his eyes at him.

"She's from Italy, but she understands German quite well." Ludwig still remembered the fluency of the language from the young man when he found him. "So we both conversed in German the whole time we talked."

"Hm, that's usual, if you live in Vienna or at least within the Austrian-Hungarian borders. If you meet someone from Italy, especially the northern part of the country, don't be surprised to hear them ask you in German."

"So do I just talk to her without sounding stupid to her?"

"It works all the time whenever I talk to women. It's as simple as that, Lud. You know women are a lot more delicate than we are. They have feelings like we do, only more complex. If you dare hurt them, they will recollect it because they don't overlook things that easily. Unless you apologise to her and you mean every single word you say, imagine being in her shoes and feeling those knives sinking deep in her body."

Ludwig paused for moment. "But what if you tell her to never see you again?" he wondered. "How would you think she feels?"

"You mean break it off?" Gilbert asked, mouth agape. "Unless you don't really mean it, you shouldn't ever say that to her. Saying that to her is as close as calling her a bad insult, it will be a stab in the heart, that's for sure. You'll leave her in a state that anyone doesn't ever want to see, even for a gentleman like you and I. She'll cry, feel like she shouldn't live at all…and if she truly does love you, she'll be right there, at Death's door."

Both remained silent for a long time.

Ludwig thought about what Gilbert had told him. He imagined Feliciano giving him a childish glance and then the exact look he gave him a week ago. The look of a broken-hearted young man...

"Anyway, so much for a morning discussion, huh?" Gilbert asked, standing up as he picked up the breakfast tray. "I'll see you downstairs, when you're ready. We need to sort out the library, I think I saw dust building up on the shelves." Then he slid out of the room. "It's been a while since we touched those books, though."

Ludwig remained where he was and pondered more about what happened.

* * *

_I would never do something like that to Feliciano _he thought. His hands grabbed a handful of the sheets to stop himself from yelling out in anger. _Everything happened too quickly that night…I can't even remember anything._

_Anything except him._

_This is my entire fault…_

But another part of his head thought otherwise.

_Still, he didn't reveal everything to you_ he thought. _One cannot betray the trust of the person they confessed their love to. Isn't that the tradition? _

_If he refuses to tell you, why would you return your true feelings for him?_

_He took you for granted._

_But did I love him?_ He challenged. _That is the question I want answered. _

_Do I feel the same towards him as much as he does to me? Even if we are young men? How would Gilbert feel about this? And how would Feliciano feel? Was he infatuated to me since we first met? It's a possibility. But he seemed as if he knows me..._

_He didn't seem afraid to tell me his love when he wrote that letter after we first met. True, he sounded a little uncertain about entrusting me his secret, but he was confident nonetheless. _

_Does he know something I don't? _

* * *

Filled with conflicted thoughts, he slipped his hand underneath his pillow and pulled out the letter Feliciano had written to him. For numerous times since he read it, he couldn't help wondering about why the young man would do such.

He only remembered him leaving the room that night, just moments before he fell unconscious because of the guilt he had of nearly sleeping with a young woman whom he just met. It took a toll on his body to spend an intimate scene with her after a mere kiss.

_When the right time comes I'm certain we'll see each other again_ he thought, as he prepared for the day. _Feliciano knew that it was unintentional, telling him to leave and never see me again. _

_But if we are to meet again, there will be no holding back._

_For now, both of us need to be apart from one another. _

_And if Feliciano had already moved on, so have I._

_However, if not, then fate is telling us one thing that we both knew since the moment we met._

_We are in love._

* * *

_Let's talk about the beginning first, okay? Apparently, Ludwig is in a pretty bad state. Dude, he's been spending most of the day in his room! Oh wait, I do that too, whenever I have no school or I'm on holidays lulz. But unlike me, he's messed up mentally. _

_And he doesn't even remember much after asking Feli for an explanation? He really is conflicted. He couldn't remember hurting Feli either, nor would he ever do it to him. The guy is fighting his demons right now, huh? It's up to him whether the next time he would just accept him for who he is or not. No turning back either, but their relationship will still stay secret. Which is where I'm going for with their relationship: it will _be_ an illicit affair, but for the two it doesn't matter. (If everyone finds out, the story wouldn't be as fun to write anyway and more than that, the story ends in a really bad way.)_

_And considering that I did some research about the age of consent throughout Europe, especially having a guy-to-guy relationship, it's been banned in Germany, aka the German Empire, since 1872. No matter what age you are, if you get on a relationship with another guy and you get caught, you are _fucked_. No questions asked - you'll go to jail and lose your civil rights. So yaoi doesn't exist there at the time, huh? But eventually West Germany let that rule get loose for a little and later on the East, so it's all good...the only restrictions are that you can't do it as a minor and if you're 18, you better pray hard that your male partner isn't under 21. Damn, you gotta be over 21 to do anything to each other. But at least Ludwig and Feliciano _are _over 21, right? And the age gap between them is what, around 2-3 years? so they both fulfil the criteria._

___Maybe I might write something for Valentine's Day, I don't know...using this pairing, me using a assload of German phrases concerning love and crap, and the two being all "cuddly". Nein, they're not doing "that", not yet anyway. More like an entirely different take on "Obscurity", which had nothing but fucking angst and drama all over. Being real honest here, I was bored as hell when I wrote that over the summer. If I can manage to write this Valentine's Day story, it'd be the entire opposite of everything that happened. Lud would still be that awkward 25-year-old who lacks inexperience in being social, while Feli would still be that cross-dressing guy who meets him. Overall, how they meet will be in all-the-way public. But the ending has my own little twist in it. An AU within an AU, right? ____But that's if I can get it done. If not, then, oh well..._

* * *

_Replies from the reviews:_

_alles: yeah, I know, right? Then again, I do understand that he had to take his anger out because he'd been holding that for a month. If I were he, I'd probably drink beer and get really wasted, just so he could forget. (And since I'm over 18+, I can drink beer and get wasted easy)_

_As for the setting, it's set in the late 1800's, about 20+ years after Prussia became the German Empire in 1871, so around 1890s I guess. If Ludwig is 25 in this story (and let's say he was born in 1871), the year in which this story is set in 1896. _

_Well, Ludwig didn't really "forget" about his past, like you said. Did it slipped from his mind and just doesn't remember it? It could be, but that's just partial, imo. But I'm taking a new approach on this Germany-HRE theory. When Ludwig first fell for Feliciano, he didn't believe it at first. But when he couldn't take his mind off the guy, he left him, simple as that. So during his departure, he tries to deny himself that he had ever fallen for Feli, and since then, he kept denying everything to himself to the point of being unfamiliar to him. It's like if you set this in modern times, and Feli says that he knows him, Ludwig is gonna say "Do I know you?" A little similar to the Aus-Swiss idea; Austria and Switzerland knew each other as friends in childhood, but eventually Vash denied the fact that it happened while Roderich only knew little of it, just a fading memory. Similar to what Ludwig did to Feli, Roderich left Vash on his own. _

_Basically in summary, Ludwig denied his past and remade his life by living on his own. While he forgot, Feliciano didn't; he knew that Ludwig has a close resemblance as the young boy who had fallen for him. _

_Dextra2: thank you! I guess it's just the idea of putting myself in character, like Ludwig feeling pretty down with himself and Feli being a little childish and later on, just broken...even to the point of not living anymore. As for the latter, I actually felt really broken while writing it, because one of the previous classes I've signed up with I ended up failing. So I was really upset about that..._

_ kara-hime24: Jeez, I'm not sure if that's even a compliment. Anyway, the guy in FF who likes yaoi is back. Yes, I'm still alive and breathing but hey, I've been busy with life. But expect to see another chapter coming up and like I said before, the story gets really complicated, like I'm not even kidding...pretty much the outcome of having a relationship with a cross-dresser (with a conservative mind like Lud). But I nearly got caught with the teacher I hated writing this and I have to say that it's for a class._


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